Sometimes, I wonder what God is doing. Like, honestly, does this really have to be the plan? I'm certain if He'd just ask me I'd have a better plan . . . but He hasn't asked me yet. You know, it's easier to follow His plans when it's just me involved. But when you throw my kids into the mix . . . it's hard.
Really, really hard.
I love them fiercely and I want all the best in life for them.
Can I be honest with you friend?
Sometimes it is hard to trust that God has the best in store for them. His best is not always my best. And as a momma, that is really hard.
I took last month off of blogging because I needed time to think, enjoy life, and mourn. You see, His plan right now isn't the "best" that I foresaw. I've shared before that I am the oldest of 9 kids. My family is very close and my boys have uncles and aunts who are just a handful of years older than they are. I love that, and they all have such strong relationships.
But, the Lord is calling them on to something new out of state. And while it is all so incredibly exciting, my boys are losing a huge part of their world . . . and they aren't even old enough to understand what is happening.
To make it harder, my oldest loves his papa deeply. They've always shared a special bond. He's started asking to go to papa's house nearly every morning. And it breaks my heart a little more every time because I know within the course of the next month, going to papa's house will entail a day's drive. He won't be able to understand the changes . . . and by the time we will be able to visit, he probably won't remember the relationship he had. And I gotta question God's plan and timing in that.
This really isn't the "best" that I foresaw for my boys' lives.
But, in the moments of heartbreak and excitement, in the tears and joy, I know that God has proven Himself faithful over and over. I don't see the plan, but I know He does--and it's a good one. It's just not my plan.
Motherhood isn't easy. And God often uses that fact to shape, mold, and refine us. He's taught me countless lessons through the everyday minutes of motherhood. While changes like this are hard, I know He has good things in store for my boys because He loves them so much more than I ever can. And it's teaching me to trust--even when I don't understand the plan.
I'm glad I'm not alone in not understanding the plan. Throughout scripture we see people like Joseph, Moses, Ruth, Job, David, and Esther who were thrust into change and seasons they couldn't understand. And yet, we see the hand of God quietly working behind the scenes to weave together incredible stories. They were simply called to follow and trust.
So how do we follow and trust when it's hard?
My answer is to look up at the night sky.
God made the two great lights, the greater light to govern the day, and the lesser light to govern the night; He made the stars also. -Genesis 1:16
That is my favorite verse this year. I love it. "He made the stars also"--it's practically an after thought tacked onto the verse.
God made the sun to govern the day, and the moon to govern the night. And oh yeah, He also made the stars. You know, just the entire night sky. No big deal.
Have you looked at the night sky lately?
And the verse just says "He made the stars also".
It's incredible. And that is what reminds me that in these situations that bring joy, tears, excitement or heartache, that He is trustworthy. That though I don't understand, He is the one who made the stars also. And while that makes my little heartache seem so trivial, He tells me He watches even the sparrows--and I have so much more worth to Him than those.
How do we follow and trust God when it's hard? Just look at the night sky.
Sometimes motherhood is hard. It breaks our heart a little. And sometimes we just don't understand His plan. But, He made the stars also. I don't understand it all, but He does. So I'm just gonna trust because the night sky blows my mind. And the God who created that also created and cares for my little family and I.
I don't see His plan for my boys right now, but I can see the night sky. So while it hurts a little for awhile, I'm watching the sky. Because the God who made the stars is weaving together a plan and a purpose greater than I can see. And He's doing the same for you. I'll see you under the night sky tonight my friend.